Whatever

There's a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that I absolutely love.

OK. That's not exactly true, I love every song by Steven Curtis Chapman.
It's just that I've been thinking lately about one song in particular;

                         "Whatever"

      I made a list wrote down from a to z

      All the ways I thought that you could best use me

      Told all my strengths and my abilities

      I formed a plan it seemed to make good sense

      I laid it out for you so sure you'd be convinced

      I made my case presented my defense

      But then I read the letter that you sent me

      It said that all you really want from me is just

      Whatever whatever you say

      Whatever I will obey

      Whatever Lord have your way

      'cause you are my God whatever

      So strike a match set fire to the list

      Of all my good intentions all my preconceived ideas

      I want to do your will no matter what it is

      Give me faith to follow where you lead me

      Oh lord give me the courage and the strength to do

      Whatever whatever you say

      Whatever I will obey

      Whatever lord have your way

      'cause you are my God whatever

      I am not my own

      I am yours and yours alone

      You have bought me with your blood

      Lord to you and you alone do I belong

      And so - whatever

We are told in Ecclesiastes, "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven . . .".

What we are not told is our exact place in that season.

~*~ In the spring of my life, third grade to be exact, I knew I was being called into missions. I had it all planned out! Graduate from high school (early if possible), proceed to college, then finish up with medical school. I was to be a doctor on the foreign mission field by the time I was thirty. I could think about a husband and family after that. First things first you know!

~*~ In the summer of my life, I had married my best friend. Missions was still very near to my heart, but I knew I was where God wanted me to be.

I would be a career woman. None of that ho-hum stay-at-home mom stuff for me! That's the last thing I wanted! I had a great job as an office manager that would afford me the opportunity to travel. Yep. I was on my way! Until I laid eyes on my newborn baby girl. Every dream of a big city corner office melted away. I knew instantly I never wanted to leave this child's side.

~*~ At 41, I'm leaving summer behind and heading into Autumn. This season, I'm trying to have no preconceived notions. I'm just honestly seeking the Lord's will.

This is the time Joe and I will seriously begin to look at retirement. When and where are the biggest questions. And what to do after? I've been looking at heading back to school. But what to study? I still love medicine, but by the time I finish - well, who's going to hire a 60 year old doc who's still wet behind the ears?

Believe it or not, there is a freedom that comes with realizing you are not in control.

We may think we know what is best. We can try like the dickens to convince God. And to His credit, He patiently allows us to plead our case.

But ultimately, all He really wants is our willingness, not our will.

I don't know what this roller-coaster of a life may bring, but I'm learning to throw up my hands with with excitement, mingled with a little fear, and shout to the heavens, "Whatever!"